After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
