in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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