omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
