Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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