Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
