You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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