My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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