What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
