i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
