miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
