i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
