I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
its liver damage thursday
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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