After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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