cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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