Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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