On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
