whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
