Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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