the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
