Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
