the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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