I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
