Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
