I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
