I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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