There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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