So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
