ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize