Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
