Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
