So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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