friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
