Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
