Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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