We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
