I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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