K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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