The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize