i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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