Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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