smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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