Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
