you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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