she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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