then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
