I'm lost and stupid without you.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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