i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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