Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
