woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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