I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
