come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
