how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
