she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Of course I have a pirate flag
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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