and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
