you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.