Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.