i don't plan on having that self control this summer
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.