Are you guys doing anything tonight?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dating After Heartbreak
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week