So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I spit up blood this morning
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that