masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
