I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
