I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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