No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize