shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
