Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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