Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
