you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
