dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We are two peas in an std pod
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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