Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
