this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
