omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.