She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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