Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder