I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires