Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood