WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.