Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.