Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
