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come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
