Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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