I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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