the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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